Dealing with a diagnosis of dementia

Getting a dementia diagnosis is hard—for your loved one and you. Many emotions may come up, including fear, sadness, anger, guilt, and denial. And, although it may seem strange, there could also be feelings of relief, because now there’s an explanation for the symptoms have an explanation.

First steps 

An important first step in dealing with this diagnosis is for you both to acknowledge its emotional impact. This will help you come to terms with it, so you can begin to understand what you’ll need to do in the future. 

It’ll also prepare you for the next step, which is to tell others. This is tough news to share—and it may be difficult for others to hear. Here are a couple of things to keep in mind:

• Your loved one may have specific ideas about who to tell, when, and how.
  
  
• Expect different reactions. Some people will respond with compassion and offer to help. Others may struggle with this news and may withdraw.

Next, if your loved one is still working, you should look into disability insurance, retirement benefits, and other programs that may be offered by their employer. Timing is important here, because benefits like these may only be accessible while your loved one is still employed.

Plan ahead for the care and support you'll need

Once a diagnosis of dementia is made, taking time to learn about what’s ahead can help you prepare. 

• Find caregiver support groups, whether online or in-person, to give you a chance to talk with others who are also going through the experience. You're not in this alone (learn more in the 2025 edition of Caregiving in the U.S., released by AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving).
• Ask medical providers what to expect based on your loved one’s specific diagnosis. 
• Talk to elder care professionals at your local Council on Aging. They have a wealth of information to offer.
• Go online. Trustworthy organizations have websites that are filled with educational resources and information. The Alzheimer’s Association website is a good place to start. 
• Get support through counseling—for yourself and your loved one. While dementia progresses gradually, its speed varies depending on the underlying cause and interaction with other medical conditions. Working with a counselor may help with this transition.

Tips for better communication with your loved one

Before your loved one’s dementia was diagnosed, you may have thought their behavior was because they were distracted or indifferent. As a result, you may have felt impatient or angry, and perhaps you lost your temper, argued, or said things you now regret. These types of reactions are common. 

Now that there’s a medical reason for your loved one’s behavior, you have an opportunity to change your approach, so you can respond with more understanding. Here are tips for making communication with your loved one a little easier: 

• Be patient. Dementia can affect someone’s ability to talk, including not being able to find the right words, repeating the same words, phrases or stories, and easily losing a train of thought. 
• Set up systems to help with memory. For example, use alarms for when medications need to be taken and sticky notes as reminders for certain daily tasks.
• Avoid arguments. As dementia progresses, it’ll affect your loved one’s ability to think and respond logically. So, you may find it’s best to try not to argue and let things be.
• Recognize that feelings of fear or stress may cause frustration. Learn what might trigger these feelings, so you can help to minimize how often they happen. Also, learn what might soothe your loved one when those feelings do arise.
• Treat your loved one with dignity and respect. Include them in conversations, even if they don’t say much. And avoid talking down to them or about them, as if they aren’t there.
• Use sensory stimulation. Studies have shown that sights, sounds, smells, and touch can have a positive effect on the brain by enhancing mood and reducing agitation, confusion, and anxiety.

As dementia progresses, however, your loved one’s ability to communicate may go through various stages—and that may include losing the ability to converse.

One more tip

Taking opportunities to “live in the moment” with your loved one can be helpful for both of you. Doing some light work around the house or taking part in quiet hobbies, like gardening or knitting, can be soothing and enjoyable for those with dementia. Looking for those moments can help you enjoy your loved one’s company—and help your loved one find some enjoyment as well.

Originally posted: July 2017
Last updated: August 2025